I didn’t pull the trigger on anybody today.
Very good, William, the doctor said.
I waved at a Jew wearing a mask on my patrol.
Exellent.
I still hate most of my neighbors.
Have you spoken with the nurse you verbally attacked?
He’s got his own problems.
Would you like to talk about it?
Can we talk about my little zen garden first?
Of course.
The garden actually beamed today. I saw the shimmer. Fat mommy, daddy and baby bumble bees buzzed. The red cardinal sang. A white butterfly landed. I felt warmth from the sun on my face and smelled fragrance from the bushes. I wielded what samurai who became monks called the life-giving sword.
You sound like a lovely haiku, William.
Insanity is a five syllable word.
Which were more powerful, the samurai or the monks.
I don’t know.
Which are you?
I want to be both.
Perhaps you already are.
I didn’t kill anybody today.
We really have to talk about that, William.
I promise not to assassinate anybody.
I’m glad you called back after telling me you were going to start shooting people.
I called as soon as I hung up and unhooked the Zoom.
I must admit you gave me a start.
I’m sorry.
But I was confident you had something else in mind. I used my discretion and kept your threat to myself. I would have notified police if I didn’t have faith in your discipline and self-control.
Do you like my idea?
What you told me is very inventive, William, extremely creative in the midst of COVID chaos. However, I still do not approve.
I’m not going to hurt anybody.
That’s a matter of opinion.
My engagement of the enemy will be more of a sting.
People are not your enemy, William.
Too many people endanger others. They pose a threat to the vulnerable. They put us all at risk. I want to help.
Do the best you can do, right? Like the mountain in Afghanistan?
Yeah, like the mountain.
I have something to tell you, William.
The doctor’s change in tone caught William by surprise.
Is something wrong?
This is about me.
You never talk about yourself.
I’m leaving the profession, William. I’m retiring.
Who will I talk to?
I can refer you to another therapist.
No, that’s OK.
I urge you to talk with someone else.
No, that’s all right.
I worry you might relapse without support.
Will I?
I believe you can handle it.
I’ll still be pulling the trigger, William said.
The doctor took a deep breath.
I guess that’s our compromise, now, isn’t it?