Surprise, everybody!

Ashley looked at Palmer who looked at Wynne who looked at Bethany who waited to see how long it would take for somebody to catch on. Who would first notice something missing?

Ashley picked right up on the lost animal flesh.

Where’s the beef?

Not tonight, honey.

Wynne whined.

You must be joking, Bethany.

Palmer looked stoned.

No meat until we’re out of lock-down. We eat too much meat as it is to have it on hand for every meal. We’re COVIDtarians until we can go grocery shopping more often.

Cute, Bethany, cute.

Ashley put her face in her hands.

Palmer stared.

My green bean, bread crumb and cheese casserole is to die for.

Wynne grimaced.

Do we have any ham left?

Gone since Easter Monday, Bethany said.

Ashley started to cry.

I need protein to help my breasts grow.

Wynne pounded the table.

I’m in the middle of the Carnivore Diet, Bethany.

You’ll always be my little hunter-gatherer, she said.

I am not fucking around here, Bethany.

Wynne, please, not in front of the children.

Palmer stared at the casserole dish.

Whoa, green beans, he said.

Bethany put the hot dish on the counter to cool. At least she didn’t have to do dishes tonight. The family would get used to their sacrifice. Weren’t they all in this together? But what if they rebelled and refused to eat her meals? What if Wynne turned on her and carried Sam’s Club cases of SPAM into the house? The kids would dig into that caned processed meat like wild dogs on garbage can steak bones.

Humming a Lady Gaga song, Bethany lost herself.

Upstairs, Palmer took about 45 minutes to load his knapsack with weed. When his mother stuck her head into his room at 10:30 to see if he turned in for the night she saw the lump in the center of his bed he made from his pillows and covered with a quilt.

Night, night, baby, she said, quietly closing the door.

Peeking into Ashley’s room she heard her daughter’s light breathing and saw her panda bear print PJs she sometimes wore all day.

Sweet dreams, sweetheart, Bethany said.

Downstairs, Wynne tossed a set of York barbells around the living room, loudly changing weights to do increasing reps of curls to increase the size of his biceps.

My caveman, Bethany said.

After flossing and brushing, Bethany jumped into bed and pulled the comforter to her neck.

Now I lay me down to sleep, she said before drifting off.

Palmer did pretty well climbing down the rose trestle until he slipped and slid nine feet to the ground. As wrecked as he was, he only felt minimal pain from the thorns that tore into his face.

Whoa, dude, he said.

Five minutes later he made his grand entrance into the side door to his best friend Sterling’s family garage. The nine other members of the high school golf team cheered. Sterling threw Palmer a cold can of Keystone Light. Palmer reached to make the catch and missed by a foot.

I’m a pothead, man, Palmer said.

Sterling screamed.

Fore!

Then he threw another can of beer that hit Palmer in the head.

Oh wow, said Palmer.

Oh wow.