You could see him scowling from a block away, a little man in a 70s-style suit with a wide flowered necktie so out of style he thought he looked fashionable. Twirling the ends of his dyed black moustache, JayJay Bone stood his ground, refusing to admit defeat as he sold his wares from a card table he set up on a street corner.

Actually, the word “sold” is a misnomer

Nobody wanted to buy Confederate flag medical masks.

JayJay Bone’s attempted entrepreneurship flew in the face of his own right-wing people who flat out refused to wear a mask as a precaution against the pandemic.  He might as well use the ten thousand stars and bars face coverings he ordered on sale from China as toilet paper. But that would be sacrilege, too, since rednecks worshipped the sacred rebel battle flag.

Nothing was going JayJay Bone’s way.

At least most people still had no idea he was gay. So far, the Reverend only told the milquetoast boss at the radio station. Most loyal listeners still stood with JayJay, believing he got fired because he incited pro-Trump supporters into such frenzy that management feared he might start his own station.

One day he’d get even. But revenge got sidetracked when the Reverend beat him to the punch and snuck up from behind as JayJay Bone packed his masks into the trunk of his rusted burgundy 1975 Cadillac Eldorado convertible. One good whack on the back of the head with a leather lead-filled black jack did the trick.

Within 20 minutes, the Reverend dragged JayJay Bone from the trunk and into the Motel 3 room (that’s three steps down from a Motel 6) and duct taped his prisoner’s wrists and ankles to the four bedposts. The Rev blacked out the windows with poster board and set up his phone camera for the Facebook live shot. Then he ripped the tape from the former radio talk show host’s mouth as his captive started coming around, taking some of JayJay Bone’s moustache hair with it.

You won’t get away with this, JayJay Bone said.

Running to the bathroom, the Reverend drew a plastic cup full of warm water from the spigot, ran back and threw the newly blessed holy water in JayJay Bone’s face.

By the time we finish this public exorcism I’ll be famous all over the world for emerging victorious from a death-defying duel between man and Satan over man’s bestial sexuality toward his fellow man, the Reverend said.

The clash between good and evil is always worth the price of admission. You’ll see. This exorcism will spin your head around, he said.

My bestiality is none of your business, JayJay Bone said.

The reverend jumped on the bed and bounced up and down with both feet.

Bestiality? You admit it. I knew it! You do want to marry your dog!

On the other side of town Big Bob engaged in a heart-to-heart talk with Buck.

Vic never lived the life of a true redneck, Big Bob said. Vic always thought he was too good for us.

Buck nodded his agreement.

You, though, are a born redneck, son, just like them mutants in Deliverance.

Buck blushed.

But I’m gay.

Yeah, I know. To show just how woke I am, as the black people say, I’m willing to accept your deep personality disorder for now because I see you for the abnormal thing you are.

Buck perked up.

You’ll accept me for what I am?

Until we change it. You’re one of them but you can’t be one of them around me or your boogaloo brothers and sisters. You’re either with us or against us, just like love it or leave it. How would a race war look led by homos? It would be like them lollipop midgets in the Wizard of Oz dancing around instead of George Patton raising the flag at Iwo Jima.

Buck shivered in fear.

But that’s what I am, a closeted, right-wing redneck queer. How can I not be gay around you?

We make you one of us, Big Bob said.

How do you make me ungay?

Conversion therapy.

Big Bob pointed to the contraption he constructed that now sat in the corner of the garage.

That looks like an electric chair, Buck said.

Big Bob rubbed his hands together with all the passion of a sadistic executioner about to throw the switch.

Take a seat, Buck, he said.

Big Bob looked juiced.

From now on your new nickname is Sparky.