Line two you’re on the air.
You like being a fag?
News radio talk show host JayJay Bone knew he should have stayed in the closet. Life’s tough living as a right-wing American homosexual conservative. Gay Log Cabin Republicans make their day-to-day existence sound like Rush Limbaugh in silk bikini underwear. Being out’s not that easy.
I’m trying to quit, JayJay Bone said.
You’re perverted.
I’m praying that Jesus changes me.
The way you change your pink nylon stockings?
How did you know?
God hates fags.
That’s why I’m starting a GoFundMe account to make me heterosexual.
On his end of the telephone line, Sterling lit a joint.
Actually I don’t care if you’re a queer, he said. I just wanted to start trouble on the radio. That’s what anarchists do. I’m against everything. Tear it down to build it up.
Build it up it for what?
New world disorder.
To tear down all over again?
Your mother wears combat boots and has black boyfriends.
You’re sicker than me.
I’m the hero who took down Columbus.
Why, you little vandal, you.
Columbus wasn’t even Italian. All you Wops are lying.
Columbus discovered America.
Anarchists are the real Americans, Sterling said. That’s why I’m announcing a flag-burning at your radio station.
Get off my phone you Commie pinko, you. Line three, you’re on the air.
Don’t let that caller bother you, Mr.Bone. I think you’re cute.
Why, thank you, honey. What’s your name?
Doreen.
And what would you like to talk about Doreen.
The boogaloo.
That Negro dance?
No, the white race war.
Are you a white Caucasian female woman, Doreen?
Yes, I am.
Would you like to boogaloo with me after I fix my sexual identity?
Oh, JayJay.
Loosening his wide necktie, JayJay Bone removed his checked sport coat and lit a Parliament cigarette. Nobody in management bothered him about smoking in the studio. He was taking a risk just by showing up for work so all bets were off.
We’re all in this together, honey, he said The COVID boogaloo got us all humping and jumping and pumping.
Trumping, too?
Yes, yes, Trumping and stumping for the chosen one’s re-election, JayJay Bone said.
Four more years because he’ll make the virus disappear, Doreen said.
Like a miracle, JayJay Bone said.
But the virus didn’t disappear.
Like America, it just got worse.