Convinced the normal power of all that’s holy (the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost) would fail to drive Satan from the soul of a homosexual heathen like JayJay Bone, the Reverend displayed a secret weapon to use in the exorcism.

A bewitching religious icon he bought at a gift shop after a show in Atlantic City should do the trick working more magic than a glow-in-the-dark Jesus.

JayJay Bone fought hopelessly against the restraints that tied him to the bed posts.

I’m going to free your big mouth, JayJay Bone, the Reverend said as he tore the piece of duct tape from the former news radio talk show host’s thin lips and mousy moustache.

JayJay Bone wailed.

You, you sadist, that hurt.

Hell will hurt a lot more, the Reverend said.

JayJay Bone argued like he was blowing off another caller on the radio.

I have video of you holding Betsy by the waist swinging on a tree vine and dropping naked into the church camp pond like Tarzan and Jane making a porn movie, JayJay Bone said. You might even have a monkey involved in a threesome.

The Reverend shook his head.

No, Satan is making a monkey out of you, sinner. Betsy and I swung in the spirit of Adam and Eve. You are swinging with Adam and Steve.

JayJay Bone sputtered.

The wedding is off. Confederate homophobes hospitalized Buck. No gay marriage for me.

Until the next time, the Reverend said. We need to cast out the demons, drive them to Atlantic City and drown them in the ocean.

 I always wanted to do my show from Atlantic City, JayJay Bone said.

If you get straight I’ll see what I can do to help. I still have some contacts with a few showgirls who share an apartment on Kentucky Avenue.

 JayJay Bone bellowed.

See! See! You heterosexual hypocrite. I’m just gay. You’re the evil one, not me.

Quicker than a Roman soldier brandishing a hammer, the Reverend pulled his secret weapon, a talisman more powerful than a bucket of holy water drawn from a Vatican men’s room spigot.

JayJay Bone gasped.

Except for wide ceramic angel wings the statue looked just like Cher. Winding up the metal key in the back resulted in loud snippets from her greatest hits.

But the Reverend had it all wrong. Why he thought Cher opposed gay rights was beyond anybody’s rational thought. Cher supported gay rights and all else that’s holy and would likely have shown up as a flower girl at JayJay Bone’s and Buck’s wedding if only they had invited her.

As soon as JayJay Bone saw the dramatically poised image, the power of Cher renewed his fortitude, his aplomb and flamboyant sense of style. Struggling to break free became even easier as he belted out off-key lyrics to his favorite Cher tunes.

The Reverend ripped opened a bureau drawer, stuffed the Cher statue to the back behind the Bible and screamed at his prisoner, using the exact same words the late, great Scranton actor Jason Miller screamed in his role as Father Damien Karas in the classic movie The Exorcist.

The power of Christ compels you. The power of Christ compels you!

JayJay Bone shrieked back.

The power of Cher compels me. The power of Cher compels me.

Almost like an answer to his prayers, Darryl and William flew through the door, splintering the wood and knocking it off its hinges. While just passing by, they heard high-pitched yelps mixed with obscene oaths to the heavens and thought a terrible crime was taking place inside the cheap motel room.

JayJay Bone screamed louder.

Thank God for Cher!

Gazing lovingly at his two new guardians, he blubbered.

My heroes! My heroes!

Darryl leaned over and gave the Reverend a hug.

The last anybody saw of the right Reverend he was running through the parking lot shouting additional lines from the famous exorcist movie as if he now was possessed, sprinting right into the path of a Rolling Rock beer truck moving at breakneck speed down the highway like a runaway rock of ages.

Rest in peace, Reverend.

Rest in peace.